fluttershwee:

I hope Rick Santorum is presented with the opportunity to choose between cake or death, and in a rush he chooses death when he really meant cake, but he can’t take it back because he’s already said death.

I have been meaning to add Captain James T. Brow to our arsenal of elegant man-brows for sometime, but alas, I am lazy and a horrible tumblr-er. However, I have come to rectify this grievous happening… brows such as these deserve their place in historical account.

Here, everyone’s favorite Cpt Kirk joins Commander Spock (http://bit.ly/zSiT1n) in the files of elegance! He provides us a stunning example of the rare male TDB. Never verging on bushy or overgrown, perfectly symmetrical, these manscaped brows deserve a tumblr all of their own! Perhaps that shall be our next venture here at Elegant Brows.

Apparently (or so an article on MSN just told me) BROWS are IN this season. Whatever the fuck that means. BROWS ARE ALWAYS IN! Fickle fools of fashion that they are, they would hardly know!

Here is Lily Collins. I don’t know what the F she does, or why she exists (other than mama & papa getting it on to In the Air Tonight). But none of that is important! She is now my new favorite person solely based on her capacity for elegant browdom.

You can tell these brows are fed well and loved with the fire of a thousand (hairy) suns! Beautiful! Such a truly gorgeous example of the TDB!

One with such a certain capacity for intellectual appreciation of a real Thick Dark Brow must be honored for now and ever more!

The scourge of the human race, Molting Brow Syndrome (MBS), has been one of science and humanity’s greatest struggles. The prominence of this sometimes-deadly brow-ailment once threatened to overtake AIDS as the world’s most harrowing disease. Thanks to brow connoisseurs like yourself, vigilant doctors, nurses, military members, and stylists (both gay and straight), we have built an alliance to stem the spread of this vicious, merciless scourge.

First officially documented in Leonardo di Vinci’s revolutionary painting, The Brow-na Less-a http://bit.ly/oTirnH, Molting Brow Syndrome had before been taboo in all societies, with sufferers banished to far away encampments lest their sickness spread like the Plague to all the elegant brows of the Old World.

It is no surprise then that my expression matched that of Whoopi Goldberg when I glanced upon her photograph. Whoopi is demonstrating one of the most serious echelons of MBS- Stage 3: complete brow abandonment.

In some cases, MBS is irreversible. The current survival rate is at 54.3%, the highest in decades. However, those who go the way of MBS must live with the side effects for the remainder of their lives.

Whoopi has gone on to do other things, including working on The View- which may or may not be considered a hazardous effect of her affliction.

The Point we here at Elegant Brows are trying to make is: MBS victims can sometimes go on to lead half-fulfilling (browless) lives.

EDUCATION IS PREVENTION. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

SPREAD THE WORD.

BEAT MBS.

This update is dedicated to the sexiest vegan brows on this here earth. The title goes to none other than Johnny Cash’s doppelganger, the creepy Emperor from Gladiator, and Merrill Hess from Signs… aka Joaquin Phoenix.

Vegan nutrition must surely be godly to nurture those robust brows into manly prominence! They are the brows of a man with the heart of a lion and the gastrointestinal capabilities of a Tyrannosaurus Rex!

Rock on, vegan man. Eat sprouts to your heart’s content so long as your brows still sprout into luscious forehead coifs of glory.

Sure, Belle had the vaguely domestically-abusive Beast, Ariel had to leave her family for all eternity in order to get married, Sleeping Beauty had narcolepsy and eternal guilt, Snow White may or may not be a member of the brigade of zombie undead, and Cinderella is going to end up at Betty Ford with Lindsay Lohan talking about her f*cked up upbringing… but who was REALLY the luckiest princess of all?!!?

That must be the elegant Princess Jasmine of Aladdin! As it can be seen, not only can she rock the mid drift, she is, most importantly the Baroness of Brow for all Disney Princesses. Princess Jasmine can be seen here, displaying even more refinement, class, poise, and royal suavity than Kate Middleton with her stunning Thick Dark Brows.

No wonder Aladdin was so struck with her in the marketplace. Those brows could stop a whole caravan of camels.